Simple

Well, I did it.  I started a blog.  The future is so scary and unknown, and although I have graduated college I feel like I know nothing.  I know that's dramatic, but that's what it feels like.  I was suppose to go to grad school and that's been my plan for the past four years, and it comes the time to actually go to grad school and it doesn't seem to be working out.  I might be counting my chickens before they hatch, but if that's the case then I'll be okay with it, because then I'll know what the next year entails, and that's comfortable.  But I feel like that's not the case.  I feel like I should be doing something else, at least for the next year.  I never thought I would say it, but taking a year off sounds a little fun to me right now.  That's not who I am.  I have always done exactly what I'm suppose to do, and it's all worked out, up until now.  I think God's trying to teach me something, and though right now I have no idea what that is, I feel like this blog will something I can look back on, read, and find comfort that even though it feels like God is extremely absent from my life, He is here AND working.  So that's it.  That's the purpose of this blog, that purpose might change in the future, but for right now here I am starting a blog.

Right now, I feel like I am just discovering or creating (one or the other, not sure yet) who Melissa Conner is.  That is so weird for me to say, but now that I actually have time to think about it.  I am not defined by the house in which I live in, where I do ministry, who my friends are, who I am dating, who my family is, or anything like that for that matter.  When nobody is looking, who am I?  When nobody is influencing me with their interests or lifestyle, who am I? I don't really know, because my entire life I haven't really gotten much time to myself to figure that out, and that's my fault for not taking that time.  But I have it now and I want to embrace it.  So far, I like simple and real.  I want to live simply.  I want to be real, and I want people to be real with me.  I don't know much yet, but that's the beauty of life.  It's complex, complicated, and chaotic.  I want simple, and I am going to try to attain SIMPLE. ready. set. go.