He is good

I am finally getting my blog more and more finished and how I would like it to be.  I am still unsure as to  what I want this blog to be about, but I think I am getting more and more comfortable with the fact that it can be an ongoing process.  I want it to be real, honest, but still positive.  I am not perfect and now that I think I am going to allow others to read this, I think that it's a bit nerve-racking to think about all the different opinions, but I just want to write and express how I am feeling in a way that is relatable and thought-provoking.  Even though I have an English degree and hope to teach English in the future, not everything will be grammatically correct, because I tend to type just how I would be saying it.  Maybe fragments, and maybe a LOT of exclamation points.  haha.  Overall, I just hope and pray that I can keep my heart and mind focused on the blessing of God, and I ask that my readers hold me accountable to that.  There is always something beautiful within the chaos and messy parts of life, and that is where I want my focus to remain.  (deep breath) okay I think I am ready...


SO now for what has been going on...


This summer has been crazy, full of adventure, and trials.  Just thinking about it I get so overwhelmed and have no idea where to start.  So I'll just start somewhere.  I think the biggest thing I have been learning this summer is that I definitely do NOT give God nearly enough credit.  in anything! not praising, not hope, not trust, and definitely not presence.  I have found myself more often than not thinking to myself, "what the heck are you doing God, this sucks, are you even here?" "Are you listening?"  And you know what, every single time I get slapped in the face with patience.  I have none.  If only I would have trusted and waiting for God's perfect timing, I would have seen his glory, and the awesome plan he had for me.  I worry far too much.  Why!  God has shown me over and over and over again that he is working for my GOOD.  I need to trust in that.  God has such great things planned for us, if only we could let HIM work and stop trying to plan our own (less fulfilling) paths.


I also believe a whole lot of lies :( I am not proud of this at all and sometimes let them get the best of me.  I have been praying for boldness, because I have found that when I am pushed out of my comfort level that is the time when I have no other choice but to trust in the truths of the Lord.  For example: I want to tell you about this one sunday where God completely blew my mind.  COMPLETELY!

Some of this is embarrassing and you are going to think I am dumb, but I'm flawed and insecure sometimes but that is just who I am, but feel free laugh.  I do, haha.

It was Father's Day service at WEAG and first off I don't like Father's Day, because I haven't talked to my dad is about 7 years.  I don't even have his phone number.  So really if you ask me about my dad I would probably just say I don't really have one, but I would tell you about me Grandfather instead.  Also this sunday was the first sunday EVER that I went to church without Jeremy.  It was a big deal, and I have to give my self a pep talk the entire way there... it went something like this.  "You go to church for Jesus not people, not jeremy, and not because you are perfect." I said that over and over and over the entire way to church (30 minute drive).  

I remember walking about an being beyond nervous because I didn't know who was going to be there or if I would have anyone to sit with.  I was nervous that I was going to have to sit by myself :( Im a loser.  The first person I saw was Megan Corker (praise Jesus).  She had recently joined the church and was volunteering as a greeter.  She immediately smiled and asked about the praxis 2 exam that, at the time had not passed yet, and so we talked about that and the plan God has and a little bit of her life.. but the music started so she asked me to take her bag and save her a seat with me.  YAY I didn't have to sit by myself for the whole service!  So I went over to where Jeremy and I usually sit and I see a friend from high school, and as soon as I got to her she saw someone she knew and left to sit with them and so there I was sitting all by myself.. my nightmare has become a reality.  :( BUT I was there for Jesus and not people (remember).  I tried to focus on worship and continued to repeat my pep talk over and over and over again.  IM A LOSER I KNOW.  So anyways Missy (a youth leader that I had met the Christmas Party) was sitting behind me, so that made me feel a little more comfortable. Megan was still doing her  greeting duties so I was still on a row by myself.  haha so after worship we pray and Sue walks up to give her sermon and Megan comes and sits down with me.  

Sue's sermon: Searching For My Father - I recommend listening to it because there is no way I could do it justice! I cried my eyes out for 30 minutes AFTER the service.  I got so much out of her message that I would have probably never gotten to hear if I given into the lies and fear my mind was believing.

I  sat there with Megan crying because she was so touched by the sermon as well ... we are sooooooo similar it isn't even funny! We ended up getting lunch the very next day and ended up talking for hours and hours and to this day am so incredibly thankful for that Sunday morning.  God is so good when we trust him and are willing to be used and willing to DO what he asks us to do.  That was BY FAR the best day of the summer.  Sometimes we have to give ourselves pep talks because what God wants us to do is out of our comfort zones, but trust he is on your side! He is Good so very good!